Since moving to Utah, the topic of starting a family is raised daily in one way or another. Currently, we are caring for our pastor's 16 year old son while he and his wife are away for a week...so we are overnight "parents" to a teen. This naturally gets us talking about parenting and how we see ourselves as prospective parents.
When we are not housing teen boys under our roof or babysitting
younger children of our friends or talking to our TEEN PARENTS about their kids, we are talking about all of our friends who are starting or growing their families. Since moving here, our friends at home are having babies at a somewhat alarming rate (SO SO sorry to miss all of those baby showers folks ;). And of course, living in Utah, most of our friends here have kids-even our younger friends. Not only do we talk about these things almost daily, but our friends (and family) are known to ask us about our intentions in this area on a regular basis...it seems it is the thing to do.
So, what are our thoughts and intentions?
Well, while the idea of having a baby is very appealing, I have to admit that
the idea of raising a child is not. We have plans to pay off debt, save $ and
travel more before starting down the one-way road of parenthood. Not to mention that my career is just starting and I'd like to have some real experience and make a name for myself before taking time off to be a full-time mommy. After all, how will we ever pay off my school loans if I don't work them off myself?
Ben's take would be only slightly different. He would add MORE SKIING to the list of things we would like to do before parenthood. :)
So, while these are all good arguments to delay starting a family (of babies,
not pets-we are already on that road!), I will expound on the appeal of having a baby. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mommy. I have wanted to know the connection to the child growing inside...and then watch as that child grows into the person God has planned, using myself and Ben as His #1 agents of love and grace in the child's life...being examples of His love and yet a constant reminder of why His perfection is found only in His Son's life, love and gift of salvation.
Then there is the flip side of that appeal-the fear I have of this sin-riddled world and the toll it can take on even the youngest of souls. I witness it daily in the children I encounter in my job and in my own sinful life. Do I really want to bring another child into this world as I know it?
The answer is difficult, yet simple. It is in God's hands. I am not ready to
plan on being Mommy, but I know that God's plan is ultimately what is best and I trust in that. It doesn't mean that I will not be scared out of my mind when (or if) that day comes, but I will find comfort, as I always do, in my God's promises to love me and do what is best for me...and any little ones that He entrusts to Ben and I. He has proven Himself to be my Father, my Mother, my Saviour and Lover of my soul...if He will be that for me, He can be that for my children...if He calls them and they respond with open hearts...
So, this is not a usual light-hearted or silly post about snow, mountains or wonderful pets...but as I said, this is a daily topic of conversation, contemplation and concern in our home and in my heart. And I don't see it changing anytime soon...but please give us a few years to work out some things before we start planning a pregnancy...
Now I am off to read Psalm 139 because it speaks to this topic and to my heart each and everytime my eyes fall on the page.